L is for Lonely

L Train, Brooklyn, November 7, 2016

Last night, en route to meet a friend for a meditation class, I was feeling pretty down. I’ve felt an overall sense of the blues for awhile now but it was particularly strong last night. Did I even want to leave the house and meet my friend? Was I in the mood to meditate?

I found myself physically alone at this time as well, while on the L train. First off- anyone who rides any MTA line knows how infrequently this occurs, especially if you ride the L. Secondly, as I was snapping the photo above, I thought- ‘great, I can’t even get a stranger to stare at me.’

Getting off the train I got a tidbit of even more bad news, which sent me further into a spiral. As I waited outside the yoga studio, I thought, should I just bolt? Go home and sort myself out? I ended up knowing I’d feel horrible for ditching my friend (on top of the fact that doing so just isn’t in my nature) and thinking that maybe I really should be at meditation this evening…

I’m glad I went. I felt so much lighter and less stressed after leaving, the negative thoughts suppressed (even just for a few moments) and enjoyed a great dinner afterwards too. I took the opportunity to enjoy the company of my friend and listen and chat to her, the opportunity to have met new people and meditate with them, and appreciate the experience.

Today I’m still feeling the positive effects of last night’s session, or what I feel are the effects. Maybe I’m in shock, or too tired to be worked up over everything. Nothing has been resolved – yet. But I know it will- it has to be- and soon.

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